I think….

I think I’ve decided within myself that after this dance year I definitely want to cover full-time so therefore I’ll have to quit. Oh I dislike saying that. I start thinking I will change my mind after I say that……..

The head scarfs are also giving off the wrong impression I think. I want to look Christian. Sure there’s nothing necesssarily wrong with my Muslim-like appearance, but I just don’t think it’s giving the right impression.

Should I just cover in church until after this dance year and then quit to cover full-time? Are people going to take me seriously if I still cover everywhere else but dance?

I don’t feel like going out in public right now.

Immodesty Now Modest?

I’m truly embarrassed to see what is shown and spoken about on TV. My mom is very selective with what I and my three other siblings watch, but sometimes you do see things ( like immodest bathing suits, dresses, etc. )

If any of you have seen a movie called 13 Going On 30 ( not an appropiate movie, language and partial nudity, ick. ), you’ve probably seen the main character, Jenna Rink, go out to a meeting at the company she works at in her skimpy nightgown! The thing is, it’s perfectly ” acceptable ” to the people around her!

Anyway, random example of immodesty becoming acceptable.

It’s a fav thing of mine to blog about ( immodesty becoming acceptable, at least to some people. ) because it’s so rampant nowadays than it was 100 or 50 years ago. Skinny jeans, shirts with plunging necklines, skirts showing..well, a whole lot that doesn’t need to be seen.

I used to be one of those skinny jean wearing people. I hated baggy jeans because I thought they made me look fat ( which wasn’t necessarily true. ). Unfortunately, you can ” grow out ” of skinny jeans real fast, meaning they get tight and accenuate things that don’t need to be. Luckily, my mom noticed my jeans getting tight and said something about them. My modesty conversion started around that time. 🙂

I wanted to be attractive, but you don’t need or have to be immodest to be ” attractive “.

Anyway, some girls/teens/women aren’t as feminine today as they were 50 years ago. I believe feminity is important, as well as modesty. Also, dance can still be a modest thing but they’ve sexualized it so much now. ( My dance teachers are good about not making us look like streetwalkers, or making us not dance provocatively. )

My Own Story

I am being raised as a Seventh Day Adventist with three other siblings. I am blessed to have at least one understanding parent when it comes to modesty.

As most of you know by now, I was raised in jeans. This does not mean they were necessarily immodest, my mom tried to get me the loosest jeans possible. But when I was 12, some plain women ( Mennonite, I believe. ) were in a store. For some reason I felt ashamed with my attire. Soon I began researching modest attire ( skirts and stuff ) online. 

I gradually transitioned into skirts. Unfortunately, I was going to wear a skirt to youth group ( I think it was for the first time ) and I became so scared that I slipped into jeans at the last minute.

Now I feel somewhat more comfortable being myself at youth group. Thankfully two of my homeschooled friends go there and they ( somewhat ) understand why I wear what I wear.

Then I realized dance was slowly becoming an issue. I didn’t really have a chance, because we don’t get our costumes until a few months before the first performance. I was wearing booty shorts ( ughh ) and a gold top. I was embarrassed but I didn’t really have a choice, as some of you might think.

Finally, I found the courage to discuss the dance issue with my mom. She suggested that I talk with my ” main ” teacher about it, and perhaps she could get more modest costumes and/or start a seperate ballet/lyrical class.

Anyway, I still stumble during my modestt journey. I don’t always wear modest clothing, I sometimes go against my convictions, but that doesn’t make me a bad person.  Everyone makes mistakes, no one’s perfect, but we try our best to follow God’s commandments.

No Idea For a Post Title…..

I’ve admired the Muslim head covering, such as the hijab, for a long time now. The only head coverings I currently own are scarfs and kerchiefs/bandanas. ( I hope to own some veils soon. )

I do like hats, but I realize this might become a problem in the church I currently attend youth group at, because when everyone prays, you see men taking their hats off out of respect. I cannot use hats as a head covering because the people in the church might want me to take it off during prayer.

I think this is my last year of dance. I was embarrassed with our costumes from last year’s term. I finally brought up the courage to discuss this with my mom recently, and she’s perfectly fine with me not taking after this term is over. She said it’s hard for a girl who wants to take dance and still be modest.

Now as I sit here typing this post, I’m having second thoughts. Perhaps it’s the Devil or his evil minions putting thoughts like that in my head, but it’s hard for me to imagine not taking dance. After all I’ve been dancing for about 5 or 6 years. Quitting dance is easier said than done. I absolutely LOVE competiting. I usually compete for the fun of it, and I’m not going to be totally disappointed if we don’t ” win “. The trips to different cities ( sometimes different states! ) are extremely exciting. I love travelling, I love the hotels, the stage, the rush of getting ready, practicing, and most of all I LOVE the adrenaline rush I get before/during/after competiting.

Therefore I must ask all my dear readers to pray for me. It’s a very hard decision to make. Some of the girls I take dance with are at the youth group I currently attend, and I’m afraid they won’t understand my decision to quit.

I love recital. It’s always so much fun….

SEE! I’m having second thoughts and I’m regretting even considering quitting.

Forgive me, I had originally planned about blogging on the subject on the head coverings, but instead I’ve spilled out my feelings about quitting dance. I’ll try blogging about different head coverings soon.